How Can I Tell Her: A Timeless Plea for Honesty and Vulnerability in Love
From the very first strum of that acoustic guitar, there’s a certain feeling that washes over you when you listen to Lobo’s “How Can I Tell Her.” It’s a feeling of nostalgia, a gentle ache for a simpler time, and a profound empathy for a man caught between his heart and his mind. For anyone who grew up with the AM radio hits of the early ’70s, this song isn’t just a track on an album; it’s a a cherished memory, a soundtrack to countless first loves and whispered secrets. Released in 1973 as the lead single from the album Calumet, the song quickly found its way into the hearts of millions, climbing the charts with a quiet determination that mirrored its lyrical content. It peaked at an impressive No. 5 on the Billboard Hot 100 and also reached the top of the Adult Contemporary chart, a testament to its broad appeal and emotional resonance.
The story behind the song is as straightforward as its melody, yet it’s this very simplicity that gives it its power. Written by Lobo, whose real name is Roland Kent LaVoie, “How Can I Tell Her” is a deeply personal and heartfelt ballad. The song was inspired by a real-life dilemma, a situation many of us have faced or feared: the terrifying moment when you realize your feelings for someone have changed, but you’re agonizing over how to break the news without causing unbearable pain. It’s a narrative that avoids melodrama, instead focusing on the quiet, internal struggle of a man who sees the joy in his partner’s eyes and feels a profound sense of guilt and sorrow because he knows he can’t reciprocate that same level of devotion. He’s not a villain; he’s a man wrestling with a difficult truth, a man who values honesty but dreads the fallout.
The song’s meaning is multi-layered, yet it’s all centered around one core theme: the burden of unspoken truth. The lyrics, delivered in Lobo’s tender, almost conversational tone, paint a vivid picture. He’s with a woman who loves him unconditionally, who “looks at [him] in a way that says she’s never had a doubt.” He sees her innocence and unwavering faith, and it only amplifies his internal conflict. He’s not just contemplating leaving; he’s grappling with how to even begin the conversation. The title itself, “How Can I Tell Her,” is a question, a plea for a way out of an emotional bind. It’s a song about vulnerability and the courage it takes to be honest, even when the truth is painful. It speaks to the human condition, to the moments when our hearts and minds are at odds, and we find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of hurting someone we care about. This is a song about being a decent person in an impossible situation.
Beyond its chart performance and poignant lyrics, “How Can I Tell Her” cemented Lobo’s reputation as a master of the soft rock ballad. His unassuming style and gentle voice were a perfect vehicle for songs that dealt with complex emotions in a relatable way. While many of his contemporaries were exploring more flamboyant musical territories, Lobo carved out a niche for himself with his introspective, folk-infused pop. The song, along with his other hits like “Me and You and a Dog Named Boo” and “I’d Love You to Want Me,” became staples of the era, creating a sonic landscape that was both comforting and deeply moving. “How Can I Tell Her” remains a cornerstone of ’70s music, a song that continues to resonate with listeners because its core message—the painful, yet necessary, act of honesty in love—is a timeless and universal experience. It’s a song that reminds us that sometimes, the hardest conversations are the ones that matter the most.